Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated

There aren’t many good single men around living in New York City. As far as I can tell, everyone is telling us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city in the late 2021 She was the next to test if any truth to this assertion. Newly single after their boyfriend for 3 years broke up with her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time that a private Facebook page known as Do You Dating The Same Guy NYC appeared as a must-follow. The group offered a thorough prescreening survey as well as community guidelines which acted as a barrier to entry. It was also with 43,000 members. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.

The community

The community-which began with the sole intention of helping women discover if their loved ones were seeing the wrong people-was founded in the month of March 2022. The majority of major US city has a similar group today, and the rules for all are clear: Anyone has the right to write anonymously, without doxxing or sharing sensitive information, and under no circumstances should screenshots leave the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting and no hate speech. Never reveal to a man that he’s been included in the group. In the wake from West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women from New York shared negative dating experiences and linked the dots online, it seemed many women were searching for a way of seeking out others like him.Read more datingfortodaysman.com At website Articles One TikTok user was saying at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

That’s more or less what the group had turned into at the time Deanna joined. Each time, Are We Dating the Same Guy acts as a centralized place for women who seek advice about their relationships or give advice to men whom they’ve had poor dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is using out other women to lure them through social media sites has also become very common. It’s all too easy to fall down a down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, stories of hookups that went wrong, as well as memes on the challenges of modern-day dating. The most well-known posts contain photos of men who have his first name, asking if anybody has matched with or dated the person who is that is being asked about. The emojis in red are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts warning people of an ex or bad encounter usually accompanied by the downward arrow and the depressing sentence See comments for more info.

The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our dating options in recent times, with one recent study showing that 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their spouse online. So it makes sense that the social aspect of romance will change in the digital age. Instead, of sitting with few friends in a bar, or sharing stories with coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 43,000 women with similar – and in some cases even the exact same experience.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie Another group member. Not to say that there’s not some advantages that exist but it was beneficial for me in terms of reframing my view of dating. It’s not about competing to other females, rather it is holding men to a greater standards than what I was used to before.

It’s not lost on me that certain behaviors that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy is unsettling if they were displayed by potential suitors. Pictures, information about private messages, and screenshots published without consent or knowledge are aplenty. People look up social media profiles almost on a daily basis. It’s easy in order for a prospective date to be into the spotlight. Although Deanna enjoys being part group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I’m convinced that you’ll get into a situation where it’s an echo chamber of ‘Men have had us pushed around for so long, and we’re going to take it back.

We live in an patriarchal society

We are still an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will differ in the reverberations based upon the backgrounds of each individual. However, can a group like this really be vigilante empowerment on one side of the spectrum and an abominable violence in the cell on another? Are We All Dating the Same Guy is hyperlocal and social, only beneficial for individuals who reside and date in the city the organization is located in. The women, as well as the guys they discuss may be your neighbors and coworker or friend, relatives, or even the most recent Hinge match. And yet there’s a depersonalization that comes with operating on the internet, which makes it feel like something you play. It’s not a stretch to say this is objectifying to the individuals in both of these groups. This is especially true when details of private chats, private messages, and even photos were shared without knowing or consent, usually for the purpose of sheer entertainment.