Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated

There aren’t enough good single men there in New York City. As far as I can tell, everybody tells us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city in late 2021 She was the next to determine if there was any truth in this claim. Being single since his boyfriend, who was with her for three years separated from her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was about this time when a group on Facebook named Is We Dating the same Guy NYC became a recommended follow. The group included a strict prescreening questionnaire and community rules which served as a barrier for entry. It also had a membership of with 43,000 members. Deanna was interested, and she enrolled.

The community

The group, which was started with the sole purpose of helping women confirm whether their partners were seeing other people-was started in March 2022. A majority of the major US city is home to a similar group, and the rules for all are simple: Everyone is allowed to post anonymously, and there is no need to doxx or sharing sensitive information, and in no circumstance can members leave the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming, no hate speech. Do not tell someone that you’ve been posted in the group. Following the scandal the scandal of West Elm Caleb, an individual with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots on the internet, it was apparent that many women were searching to seek out others like him.by link datingfortodaysman.com website According to one TikTok user commented on the subject This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.

This is essentially what the group had turned into by the time Deanna joined. Every time a new version of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a area for women seeking love advice or warn about people with whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, an act of sending them other women to attract them on social media has also become a common practice. It’s not difficult to fall down a rabbit in the midst of screen-shot Hinge profiles, tales of bad hookups and memes about the woes of modern dating. Some of the most popular posts feature photos of a guy with his first name, asking who has matched or dated the person who is on the profile. Emojis that have a red flag are a frequent appearance on sporadic but alarming posts warning people of an ex-partner or a bad time of a bad date, usually with a downward arrow as well as the alarming phrases See comments for more info.

Online dating has dominated our lives in recent years and a recent research finding that nearly 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their partners online. It is therefore logical that the romantic side of romance would adapt to the digital age. Instead of hanging out with group of friends over a drink, or discussing the issues with coworkers, we’re now seeking advice from 433,000 women who have had similar, and in some cases exactly the same experiences.

It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to imply that there’s no benefits, but it was certainly beneficial to me in terms of reframing my perspective on dating. It’s certainly not a battle between women but it is holding men to a much higher standard than I had before.

It’s not lost on me that certain behavior that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy is alarming if it was displayed by potential partners. Photos, private conversations, and screenshots that are posted without the other party’s consent or knowledge are common. The public is able to search social media accounts on a nearly daily basis. It’s not difficult for a date to get to be the center of attention. Although Deanna loves being part of the group, she has a few reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she says. But I think you face the problem that it can become this echo chamber of ‘Men have repeatedly pushed us for so long, we’re ready to give it back.

We still live in an patriarchal society

We’re still living in the patriarchal system, and until we’re truly equal and equal, online interactions will produce different results based on the background of each individual. Yet, can a such a group really be vigilante empowerment on one side on the other hand and be a source of reprehensible and inhumane on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and is only useful for individuals who reside and date in the town the group is based in. The women and people they talk about might be your neighbor and coworker or friend, family member, or even your most the most recent Hinge match. Yet, there’s a sense of depersonalization that occurs when operating on the internet, making it seem like games. It’s not an unreasonable idea to argue that this can be considered as a snub to the dates involved in both groups. Particularly when the details of private interactions, conversations or even photos are being shared with no knowledge or consent, often for the purpose of sheer entertainment.